First, watch this video of Michael introducing this lesson:
Audio of Michael reading the lesson below:
Lesson 8 PDF
“What do you fantasize about?” Helen asked.
She was lying in Jack’s arms, little splotchy red marks on her neck where his stubble had rubbed against her. She felt sore and relaxed and wonderful. Satisfied and reveling in the feel of the hard chest of her man.
Jack just smiled that way he did when he wasn’t saying something.
He clenched his jaw at the question and if she’d looked up Helen would have seen a spark in his eye.
“Did she really want to know?” Jack wondered. And then the dirty images flashed through his mind. All these fantasies, all these wants, all these desires. He felt his cock stir as he thought about two college girls he’d seen earlier in the afternoon. He imagined them smiling up at him. Worshipping him. He thought of his ex-girlfriend tied to a bed. He though of Helen sweaty and panting and looking up at him with total adoration. Total submission.
In an instant he ran through every dark secret and fantasy he’d ever had. He held Helen tight against his side.
“You, honey. I just fantasize about you. I’m pretty boring.”
Helen knew he was lying. But it was what she wanted to hear. She reached for his cock. It was hard in her hand.
“Is this for me?” she asked, coy and happy.
Jack lay back and moaned.
One Final Warning:
OK, I shouldn’t have to say this, but in this lesson we’re going to be talking about dark, brutal, erotic, and dirty stuff. I could try to make this all clinical and scientific, but that’s not what you’re here for, is it? If you enrolled in this program, it means you want the unvarnished truth about men without any of the BS and airbrushing you get from Cosmo or romance books. And sexual desire and need (and sexual fantasy) is at the primal heart of men. Sex is the fuel that gets us out of bed in the morning. And getting sex (and the fantastic ego rush that comes with it) is why men build empires, create war, play sports, write sonnets, and do just about everything else beautiful and brutal in the world. If you took men’s libido away, we’d be a small planet, green and lush and unspoiled. And there’d be about 35 of us left.
Some of what I write below is going to break your heart. I know, because it broke mine to write it. The reason I can do this job is because I can empathize with women more than most guys. But, like I’ve said all through this program, if you can read this stuff and accept it for the truth it is, you’ll be well on your way to having the kind of sexual and emotional life you deserve. Ready? Let’s go.
Every man you know is a pervert.
I promise you, it’s true.
Your husband. Your boyfriend. Justin Bieber (Oh, he looks so innocent).
Your brother. Your cousin. That moral politician. That scheming preacher. The innocent and cute guy that works at the coffee shop and flashes you that charming smile every morning.
Perverts. All of them.
I know this because I’m a guy (and therefore a pervert) myself. I’ve lived 34 years with a guy’s brain, and ever since I was 14 years old and my voice started to drop and hair started to spring up all over my body,
I’ve had one primary driver ruling my every action and thought and attacking me in every moment of my life: pure, powerful, overwhelming lust.
Not love.
Lust.
Desire.
Craving.
Want.
My girlfriend recently asked me if I ever fantasized about “making love”. . . that kind of soft focus, connected sex that women write about in romance novels (right next to the seduction and ravaging).
I laughed and said no. I like making love with her. But like all guys, what I fantasize about is fucking.
And I’m not alone.
I’ve been in locker rooms with the boys. I’ve been at bars as we all go quiet when the waitress with the fantastic ass walks by. When this happens we all go completely still like we’re hunting a deer. Every man in the group watches. Absorbs. Remembers. We take her in with our eyes. Our breathing goes soft and slow. Time crawls. When she’s gone, there’s a brief pause as the air refills the room. And then we shake our heads in admiration and wonder and some of us say things like “my god, I want that.” And then we go back to our conversation, having bonded in our appreciation of a girl.
All men are perverts. All men are beasts. All men are ravenous and hungry. Every man is exhausted from holding back his lust. Every man is ashamed of the desires that evolution infused into his cells.
A man’s lust and desire is beautiful and annoying. And it’s the greatest weapon a woman has. So listen up.
In this lesson I’m going to pull back the curtain on the real sexual desires, wants, and needs of men. I’m going to give you a straight heroin shot of sexual truth about guys and what really drives us crazy. I’m going to give you everything you think you want to hear.
And what I tell you will probably scare the crap out of you. Over half of the Secret Survey responses from guys were about sex in one way or another. And they’re the kind of things most men would never say if they ever thought a woman was in the room. In fact, I feel like I’m betraying my fellow guys in some way by showing you this stuff.
The only way I can justify it is by remembering that the survey results are anonymous and by hoping beyond hope that some of the thousands and thousands of women who will read this will take this stuff to heart and use it to really understand men and treat them how they need to be treated.
I’m going to get into some of the specific wants and needs guys have (and reveal some truths about my own past and desires) in a minute.
But first I need to tell you. . .
What Sex Really Means to Men
Before I do that though, let me ask you this: What does sex mean to you?
Seriously. I’ve asked a lot of women this question and the answers are really fascinating. Some women say sex is about that emotional connection. It’s about feeling close to your man, bonding him to you, making him love you more, feeling filled by him and possessed by him.
All this soft focus stuff you see in romance movies.
(Guys do get some of that stuff, and sex can be a very emotional experience for us–I’ve fallen HARD for women after having a sexual encounter with them if the chemistry is right–but that’s not what sex is really about for men, at least not at first.)
Other women say sex is about physical pleasure for them. It’s about the energy that builds up in the pit of your stomach when you’re with a man who really understands your body. How that warm, wonderful heat builds and builds until you have an orgasm that shakes your whole body and leaves you laughing and boneless, lying on the bed with a feeling of complete satisfaction.
For guys, how sex feels physically is maybe 10% of why we do it. Seriously, having an orgasm is really easy for most guys –I can do it in about 2 minutes– and most guys are so out of touch with their bodies and have such a hard time thinking of themselves as erotic beings that physical pleasure barely enters into it.
So if sex for guys isn’t about emotional connection (mostly) and isn’t about physical pleasure (mostly), then what the heck IS it about? Why will guys do almost ANYTHING to get into a girl’s pants (and then often grow bored with her as soon as they do)?
It’s simple. For men, sex mostly isn’t about the emotional or the physical, it’s about power, validation, dominance, ego, and the satisfaction that comes from doing what we were designed for.
Sex, for men, is about accomplishment. It’s about the seduction. It’s about having the power to give a woman incredible pleasure. It’s about being the guy who can seduce a beautiful woman even when every other guy has failed. And it’s not really about how sex feels physically or even emotionally TO A GUY at all.
The Easiest Way I’ve Got of Proving This is by Looking at Porn and Erotic Stories Written by Men
If you’ve ever watched porn designed for straight guys (and you really should. If you can get past the knee jerk revulsion some women feel, it’ll be educational), you may have noticed that straight porn isn’t about the guy (or the guy’s pleasure) at all.
Seriously, go watch some straight guy porn and then come back. Did you notice it? Did you notice that the guy in porn for straight guys is really just a prop? He’s really just a stand in? He really doesn’t matter.
Compare this to erotic movies designed for women. They’re ALL about the girl and what she feels.
Straight guy porn doesn’t focus on the guy’s emotional or physical pleasure at all. Instead, it focuses on the physical and emotional pleasure the guy CAUSES (or even FORCES) the woman to have (or that she at least pretends to have for the camera).
Straight guy porn is all about women giving in, being seduced, giving up her resistance, and being overwhelmed by a man. Or it’s about a man being seduced by a willing woman. And even then the actual sex is all about HER, HER PLEASURE, and what he DOES to her.
And if you read any kind of erotic story written by men, you’ll notice the same thing. It’s all about the woman’s pleasure caused by a man. It’s all about how the woman is overwhelmed by a guy. How his cock (ahh, men and our penis obsessions) and his sheer masculinity and all that stuff wears down all her defenses and turns even a prudish woman into (um, there’s no other way of saying this) a slut.
Seduction. Satisfaction. Power. Dominance. Being the alpha male who women flock to. Beating out the other guy for a woman. Having women compete for us. All of this is like emotional heroin for guys.
Now, Does This Mean That Guys Don’t Like Romance or Don’t Like to Make Love?
Not at all. We love that stuff. Kind of. A little. More seriously, guys can really get into making love. But left to our own devices, most guys would much rather fuck. Conquer. Take. Pillage.
In my opinion, one of the reasons men lose sexual interest in their girlfriends or wives over time is because the conquest aspect of their relationship is over.
Once you really get to know a woman and are emotionally bonded to her, a lot of the spark goes out of the relationship and it becomes difficult to objectify her properly (we’ll talk about objectification in a minute).
When you see a woman as a 100% whole person (a wife and a mother and an equal) it can become downright impossible to let “the beast” out.
A Depth of Need and Shame: Sex is Not Just Sex.
We’re going to get into what guys really want sexually (as reported in the Secret Survey) in a second, but before we do, I want to talk about two deeply important and emotional concepts that surround straight men’s sexuality (gay men have a whole other bag of rats to deal with).
1. Men Have a Depth of Need for Sex and Sexual Appreciation.
Most women really can’t understand how much men want and NEED sex.
You might be thinking “Michael, if sex isn’t about physical pleasure or emotional connection for men and is just about dominance and power and appreciation, why the hell does he need so much of it?”
And I’d look at you with a disapproving glare and wonder if you’ve been listening to me over the last 30,000 words.
In so many ways sex, sexual desire, and the need to be sexually wanted and appreciated (and to have our sexual ego stroked) RULES men. Above and beyond almost everything else, a man needs to be happy, there’s the carnal need for sex.
It’s easy for women to denigrate this. To look down on a man’s need for sex. To say, “sex isn’t that important,” or to think guys are being shallow by needing sex so much.
But sex for men is as vitally important to who we are and our happiness as communication and connection is to women. It’s serious stuff. And if you want to understand men, you need to accept it.
2. Most Men Feel Horribly Neglected Sexually and Even Ashamed of their Desire.
Ahh, shame. I know it well. I wish women could crawl into a man’s mind for just a day and see what it’s like.
There’s actually a book I read some time ago by a lesbian who decided to live as a man for a year. She didn’t have surgery or anything, but she did start taking testosterone treatments.
Pretty quickly, her voice dropped, she started growing facial hair, and for the first time in her life she really understood and had sympathy for men.
Why? Because as that potent testosterone cocktail hummed through her veins she suddenly understood how powerful and overwhelming masculine lust actually was. She started seeing women as sex objects
(And as people. Yes, you can do both). And she experienced for the very first time in her life what it was like to have to PULL BACK on her desire.
Being a straight guy (with a decent libido) is a constant exercise in shame and frustration. As a guy, you want to take and fuck every attractive woman you see.
But (being a well socialized dude) you don’t actually do it. And it’s exhausting.
It’s like constantly walking around with a thick-necked Doberman on a leash and doing everything you can to keep it from pouncing on every woman you see. And along with that exhaustion and frustration comes a heavy dose of shame.
Shame that no matter how hard we try to control our libido, our desires, and our darker sexual impulses, they come up again and again. That we’re basically slaves to them. That at any given moment we could mess up and give in to what we really want and ruin our lives in the process.
Being a guy is kind of tough, huh? (At least being a nice guy is.)
To really illustrate this and to hopefully inspire some sympathy for guys,
I want to tell you a really personal story. In a lot of ways, this story is why I’m here writing this right now.
Why I Used to Hate My Libido (And How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love It)
First, here are two emails I originally wrote to my men’s list:
Email 1: She Goes To 11
Hey, it’s Mike Fiore from Text Your Wife Into Bed. . .
Occasionally I get emails from guys asking why the heck I created
Text Your Wife Into Bed and got into this crazy business of helping guys have better (and dirtier) sex lives in the first place. . .
And the only way to answer that question is to tell a really personal story and talk about one of the worst periods of my life. . .
I felt like I wanted to vomit every time it happened. . .
I was in the kitchen at my girlfriend’s house.
We’d been together for 3 years at that point. We had a goofy, fun relationship. I loved her to death. She was my best friend.
But when I leaned in to kiss her she closed her lips up tight like she’d just eaten a lemon. . . turning the passionate embrace I wanted into the kind of peck you get from an aunt.
When I wrapped my arms around her or grabbed her hips, she stiffened like a deer caught in the headlights. . .
When I looked her in the eyes and told her I wanted to fuck her she got this weird, scared half smile on her face. . .
And when we did have sex. . . (which was almost never) it was awful.
She’d just lay there gritting her teeth.
Waiting it out.
“Letting me” have sex with her, but doing absolutely nothing to fuck me or make love.
Until one day I just gave up. . .
One day we just stopped.
We became “friends” instead of “lovers.”
And then (after I got drunk and made out with a curvy brunette at a business function. . . I can’t even tell you how it felt to have a woman look at me with desire for the first time in years) we became “enemies“ instead of “friends.“
I don’t know how I got into a relationship with a girl with no sex drive.
I mean, she hadn’t started off that way.
And for a while I thought it was my fault.
When we first got together she was passionate, present, dirty, eager, fun.
But a few years in everything changed. She “froze” and I couldn’t thaw her no matter what I tried. . .
And the constant yearning. . . the constant desire to fuck the woman I loved. . . the constant desire to be wanted. . . and the constant, brutal rejection destroyed me.
I’d lay in bed at night, staring at her, wishing I could make my lust go away. . .
Thinking there was something wrong with me.
And it wasn’t until years later that I realized how beaten down, bloodied, and abused that experience had left me.
Honestly, after we broke up I went a little nuts. . .
Studying female psychology like a man possessed. . .
Turning seduction into a sport.
Learning how to turn women on with nothing more than the flick of my thumb.
And wishing like anything that I could have “woken up” that buried spark deep in my ex girlfriend before her lack of lust ruined everything.
So that’s why I do this. . .
Because I know what it’s like.
I know what it’s like to feel that need. . .
To WANT that woman like nothing else in this world.
And to be turned down and rejected again and again.
Email 2: The Worst Sex I Ever Had
Hey it’s Mike. . .
Last week I told you about how a three year relationship I had fell apart and basically exploded because of a total lack of sex. . .
But I didn’t tell you the whole story. . .
Here it is:
I looked up at her and felt nauseous, like I was going to vomit.
She was naked, sweating, staring me right in the eye. I could see the muscles in her stomach contracting, feel how wet she was, sense her orgasm building right there in the core of her.
It was going to be a big one.
She was going to scream and pant and end up exhausted and boneless on top of me whispering about how good it was.
And the fact that she was so turned on. . .
More turned on than I’d seen her in years. . .
I know this sounds weird, but it made me sick.
My jaw was so tense I thought I was going to break my teeth.
And finally I pushed her off me, mumbled a “I can’t fucking do this,” and walked out the door more furious than I can ever remember.
Why was I so mad?
Because this was the same woman I’d spent three years in love with. . .
Who let our sex life become as dry and boring and dead as communism.
When we were together (when she “loved” me) there was nothing I could do to turn her on.
But now that we were broken up. . .
Now that that high-school emotional connection we’d had was gone. . .well, suddenly she wanted to throw me down and ride me like a pony.
Suddenly all her excuses evaporated.
Suddenly she wanted to fuck just like she did when we first got together.
And it was the worst experience I ever had.
And it’s something I’ve honestly never forgiven her for.
So why is this important to you?
Because I know I’m not alone.
Every day I get emails from guys (and from women too, actually) wondering why the hell the lust just evaporated from their relationship.
And a huge part of why desire is destroyed in relationships is because you get too close to a woman.
You become “best friends”. . .
The danger disappears. . .
And it’s only when you bring that mystery back (either by breaking up, having a fight or some other methods) that she remembers that you’re a MAN.. .
That she objectifies you.
That she WANTS you.
I’ll give you some more tips and insights into how to turn a woman on without creating that massive emotional distance in the next couple days.
Later,
Mike
OK, Why Did I Share These Emails with You?
Three reasons:
1. I thought you’d enjoy seeing how I talk to guys about this stuff. Notice how I’m keying on their desires and needs.
2. To let you see emotionally what sexual shame actually feels like.
3. This email got a TREMENDOUS response from my guys’ list. Dozens of responses from guys who feel the exact same way I did years ago.
It’s an epidemic.
OK, Now Let’s Talk about What He Actually Wants Sexually
The rest of this lesson is all based directly on what guys said in the Secret Survey. I haven’t edited the responses (though I have, of course, expanded on them).
After you’ve finished this lesson, I recommend you go through the actual survey results from guys (I know, many of them are very dirty).
As you go through the results, try not to judge. Instead, focus on just how important sex actually is to guys.
The biggest mistake a woman can make is denigrating how important sex is to men. And if you really understand male sexuality, it will give you tremendous self confidence and power.
Some of the things guys said are pretty brutal, but my job is to tell you the truth. Sorry 🙂
Fact #1: He Wants/Needs More Sex
“Women have sex when they feel connected. Men feel connected when we have sex.”
“I want more sex.”
“Want sex all the time.”
“I need more sex!!!!”
“That we need to have sex. Not just busting a nut, but intimate and personal sex. We want to please our women with our abilities.”
“How big my sexual needs really are and my sexual fantasies”
(There’s a lot more.)
–Men responding to the Secret Survey
Most men have a deep need for sex on a regular basis. How regular really depends on the guy (some guys are happy with a couple times a month, others want to have sex every day).
The key here is not to put a number on exactly how often you have sex with your man, but that you understand that regular, engaged, FUN sex (and not just “making love”) is a huge part of the care and feeding of a man and that agreeing to have sex regularly is just part of being in a relationship.
Now, one thing I hear from women a lot when I say this kind of thing is. . .
“But Michael, He Hasn’t Earned It. I Want Him to Seduce Me!!”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. You want your guy to crawl over broken glass and slay a dragon to prove his devotion before finally giving him the gift of your flower. Or something.
Here’s my question for you: Do you want to be right or do you want to get what you want? Do you want to FORCE HIM to do a bunch of stuff he doesn’t actually want to do and build up a bunch of resentment, or do you want to have a guy who adores you, who worships your body, who makes every cell in you catch fire, and is obsessed with keeping you safe by his side?
I get emails from a lot of women asking why the spark has gone out of their relationship and why the sex just isn’t as good as it used to be.
A lot of it has to do with the conquest stuff I talked about before, but there’s also the fact that expectations of gender roles can really kill a couple’s sex life.
Plain and simple, if you want to have a great long-term relationship with your man, you need to make sex a priority and do everything you can to make sure you guys are getting close on a regular basis even if you’re not particularly in the mood.
The cool thing is that if you take the lead here, he should eventually get the point and start giving you the seduction you want so much.
Fact #2: He Thinks You’re Sexually…
Selfish and Boring in Bed
Ouch.
This is one of those things guys will NEVER bring up with their women but that we talk about with our guy friends all the time. Guys in the
Secret Survey mentioned it a LOT.
Most women (especially hot women) are really boring and selfish in bed.
Actually, when I was single I had an observation about model quality beautiful women. The more beautiful a woman was, the more likely she was to be absolutely awful between the sheets.
I don’t know if it’s a religion thing or a culture thing or what, but a lot of women seem to think that letting a man have sex with them is the greatest gift they can give.
But our male survey respondents absolutely hated this attitude. One guy said:
“The number one thing I would want my wife to know but would never tell her is that I would like to try a different position besides doggiestyle. I have a t-shirt with a different position for every day of the year on it. Hint!!”
Other guys just flat out said, “She’s awful in bed.”
Now, obviously this isn’t true of EVERY woman or every relationship, and a lot of woman have totally ninja sexual skills. But a lot of guys really do seem petrified of telling their wives or girlfriends that her sexual skills just aren’t up to par (why aren’t men honest about sex with their women? Because we’re afraid of your reaction).
I think it’s also that guys think if they ever made a peep about being dissatisfied, their women would just cut off sex altogether. He’d rather have a beer, but he’ll take water in a pinch.
The main take away here is that sex isn’t something you let a guy do to you (we hate that attitude). Your guy wants you to be an equal participant in sex. . . to enjoy him as much as he enjoys you.
Fact #3: He Wants You to be His Slut
Like I said before, the majority of a man’s sexual pleasure comes from his ability to give YOU incredible pleasure (and most of a guy’s insecurity comes from feeling sexually inadequate and incapable of giving you pleasure).
To feel sexually satisfied, a man needs you to embrace your own sexuality, let go of your insecurities, and be his slut.
Now the word “slut” gets a really bad rap. And I don’t mean that he wants you to become some nymphomaniac or to come on to his friends or anything like that (OK, some guys do want that).
What I mean is that he wants to feel like he turns you on so much you can’t help yourself. That his masculine power is so overwhelming to you that it wears down your resistance and insecurity and awakens the slut within.
And he wants to feel like you’ll only do that for HIM. That your devotion and attraction to him is so strong that he wakes your desires like no other man can.
Fact #4: He Wants You to Initiate Sex
This is a huge complaint guys have, especially when we’re sitting around the bar getting 3 sheets to the wind.
The fact is, most women don’t initiate sex at all and this causes two huge problems:
1. It causes a guy to feel unattractive or unwanted (yes, guys have feelings).
2. It turns sex into a chore for him instead of something fun and connected.
Listen, most guys don’t really like foreplay (until you teach them how to do it right). To most guys, foreplay is a series of arcane steps you have to go through to get the few minutes of carnal pleasure you’ve been dreaming of all day.
And sometimes a guy will do the math in his head and just figure that it’s not worth it.
“Wow, Carol looks really good today. I could go over there, nibble on her neck, rub her shoulders, say sexy things in her ear for half an hour and then maybe get laid. . . or I could take a nap. Yeah, a nap is safer. She might turn me down anyway.”
I’ll talk about this in a second, but most guys don’t ever feel truly desired.
Even if you only initiate sex with your guy 1 time out of 4 it will absolutely blow his mind.
One of our survey respondents put it:
“I want you to WANT to fuck me instead of HAVE to fuck me.”
Fact #5: He Wants to be Objectified by You
WHOA! This’ll be fun.
I remember the first time I felt sexually objectified. I was 26. I’d been going to the gym for the first time in my life. I suddenly had biceps and my gut had shrunk. I was on the dance floor shaking my ass when I felt a weird feeling: eyes on me. Lust coming at me. I’d never felt that way before. I’d never felt WANTED like that before.
I scanned the crowd to figure out who was looking at me. And then I saw a big hairy guy with a grin across his face. Why couldn’t women look at me like that?
I said this a second ago, but most guys never feel sexually wanted or desired (unless they’re getting hit on by gay guys, which is kind of flattering but not what I’m into).
A lot of this has to do with male sexual desire versus female sexual desire. As a woman, you know all about male sexual desire. How a man will undress you with his eyes and grit his teeth. How he’ll look at you like a piece of meat. But women (by and large) don’t do that. And it’s really a shame.
Most guy’s I’ve talked to have no idea what it’s like to be objectified by a woman. To be looked at by a woman as a sexually desirable person.
To be looked at as a body that a woman wants. And it sucks. Seriously.
We’ll never talk about it (OK, I will) but just like women, men want to be WANTED. We want to be desired. We want to be LUSTED after.
Look at a man as a piece of meat. Give him a compliment on his ass or his biceps. Let him catch you just staring at him. He’ll be shocked by it. He won’t quite know what to do with it. But it will do wonders for his self esteem.
QUICK ASIDE: A lot of folks think objectification is a bad thing. I couldn’t disagree more. I’ve gone on record for years as being pro objectification.
There’s nothing wrong with objectifying someone–male or female–as long as you also realize they’re more than just a body and are a real human being.
Fact #6: Withholding Sex Just Causes
Resentment
If you’re using sex as a carrot or a stick in fights, stop. Seriously, I can tell you from my own experience and from the thousands of guys I’ve talked to that withholding sex causes deep and brutal wounds to a relationship. Remember, men use sex to bond and feel close to a woman. If you withhold sex, you’re pushing him further and further away, causing massive resentment and dramatically extending any fight you have.
So what do you do instead?
Instead of withholding sex to try to force your guy to do what you want or to apologize, you should instead use sex as a way to strengthen your bond with a guy and get him to want to make up.
The easiest way to do this is to use a simple two part fight destroyer comment that simultaneously bonds your man to you, makes him feel like a wanted sexual being, and cuts the bad times in your relationship in half.
What do you do?
Simple. After a fight you simply say “I’m furious at you right now, but I want you so bad.”
Seriously. Sex is a great way to work out anger and aggression in a relationship anyway. Try it.
Fact #7: He Wants a Blow Job (And He Wants You to Enjoy It)
I actually have a whole program on this at http://www.howtogethead.com (the video is hilarious). The main thing to understand here is that a blow job isn’t just about a blow job. It’s about worship.
I mean, the guys who took my survey are never going to say “I want her to worship me.” But they will say “I want a blow job.” And it’s really the same thing.
A while ago my girlfriend asked my why guys go to strip clubs.
“Is it because he’s not happy at home?” she asked. And I said, “No.”
“Is it because he wants to look at other women?” she asked. And I said,
“Kind of.”
But the real reason men go to strip clubs is because it’s the one place in the world most guys can go to really be appreciated and worshipped by a woman (even though it’s totally fake and costs them a bunch of money).
Remember, most men NEVER feel sexually wanted or appreciated throughout their entire lives. So much of sex is about a man’s ego, and there’s simply nothing that makes a man feel more sexually wanted or appreciated than a blow job. A great blow job (where you eagerly give him head without expecting anything in return) does wonders for a man’s self esteem and satisfaction.
And if you really want to send him to the moon, let him see that you’re ENJOYING making him feel good and giving him head. (And tell him to check out http://www.howtogethead.com. He’ll learn something 🙂
Fact #8: He’s Kinkier Than You Think
Just go through the Secret Survey results and you’ll see this in spades.
Threesomes (yes, all guys want threesomes. It’s a power thing), sex toys, bondage prostate stimulation, anal sex (also a power thing. He wants to be the guy you surrender everything to. Not my thing, but many guys are really into it). Honestly, the guy’s survey results are SO dirty it even makes me blush.
The important thing to realize here is that these are results from regular, normal guys. Like I said before, all men are perverts to some degree or another.
The reason he doesn’t bring this stuff up to you is because he’s afraid of your reaction. Will you hate him if he tells you about his threesome fantasies? Will you run for the hills if he says he wants to tie you up (or wants to be tied up)? Will you freak out if he says he has fantasies about you with other men? (This one is shockingly common.)
You don’t need to act out every kink and fantasy he may have, but you do need to realize that this stuff is probably right below the surface for him. If you take the lead, he’ll probably light up like a fire cracker.
And that’s that. For more, dig through the survey results.
Before we finish up this section, I want to talk about one more concept that will give you tremendous power to give men sexual pleasure.
I call this concept. . .
The Beast in Him
If you’ve read through this whole section, you know better than almost any woman on this planet that men’s sexuality and sexual desires are darker, deeper, and more powerful than we ever talk about.
The way I like to put it is that every man has a “beast” in him. A hairy, grunting, angry, violent thing that just wants to ravage every woman it sees And like I said before, most guys spend hours of every day reining that beast in. Holding tight to that leash. Doing everything we can to seem calm and civilized.
But the beast wants out. And if the beast never gets to come out (if a guy never feels like he can let his real sexual desires out), it will gnaw at the insides of him. It will chew on his heart and his soul.
As a woman, you’ve got an amazing power over a man. The power to give him permission to let the beast out. To show that you understand his desire and his lust and you’re not afraid of it. To show him that you love him for being a man, desire him for being a man, appreciate him for being a man.
How do you actually do that?
You invite him to ravage you.
I remember the first time a woman did this to me. It was one of the most powerful and emotional experiences of my life. “You can do whatever you want to me,” she said. And looking into her eyes, I knew she meant it.
And for the next few hours, I knew I could take the editor off. I knew I could stop pretending to be a civilized guy and just be the grunting beast I was inside. No worrying about being too rough with her. No worrying about what she would think about me afterwards. No being nice.
Honestly, it was a very emotional experience for me. Being accepted like that. Letting that pent up aggression out. When we were done, I felt truly relaxed and empty for the first time in years.
Sex is how adults play. It’s how we work out our anxieties and our fears and our desires. It’s how we make ourselves feel powerful and important and loved even in the darkest of times.
Summing Up Lesson 8
Whew. Big lesson (not really a surprise). Here are the core points:
- All men are perverts. Being a guy means having a constant flood of sexual desire thrumming through our veins. We all have incredibly dirty thoughts and desires on a daily basis. We don’t tell you about it because we think you’ll freak out.
- What sex REALLY means to men. Sex for men isn’t REALLY about emotional connection (ok, sometimes) or physical pleasure (ok, a little). It’s about power, validation, dominance, ego, and the satisfaction that comes from doing what we were designed for.
- Watch pornography made for guys and you’ll realize that it’s all about the pleasure a man causes a woman (or forces a woman) to have. Very little of sex is about a man’s physical pleasure (until they really learn to focus on themselves as a sexual creature).
- Most men have a depth of need and a depth of SHAME around sex. Men NEED sex to be happy in a relationship. Quantity matters (and so does quality). Part of the experience of being a man is constantly holding back our sexual desires. We’re not allowed to act on our lusts and it drives us nuts. It’s hard.
The Secret Survey results teach us 8 facts about what men want sexually.
- He wants and needs MORE sex. The best way to make a relationship better is to have MORE sex with your partner (and remove any barriers to having more sex. Don’t make him earn it all the time).
- He thinks you’re sexually selfish in bed. Most women make men do all the work and many women have never put any thought toward being a better lover or giving men what we really need. Sex is a skill and one worth mastering.
- He wants you to be his slut. He wants to cause (or even force) you to have amazing pleasure. His ability to make you his feeds his ego and gives him incredible pleasure.
- He wants you to initiate sex. Not all the time, but at least 1 time out of 4 you need to be the one to start things up. Seduce him. He’ll be shocked and he’ll love it.
- He wants to be objectified by you. Most women are horrible at making men feel objectified and wanted physically. Being looked at with actual lust is an incredible gift you can give a man. He wants you to WANT to fuck him instead of have to fuck him.
- Withholding sex just causes resentment. Withholding sex is the absolute worst way to get a man to do something. It does irreparable damage to your relationship and makes sex into a weapon instead of something fun that you share. Instead of withholding sex, say, “I’m mad at you right now but I really want you.” Use sex to heal arguments, not to extend them.
- He wants a blow job (and he wants you to enjoy it). A blow job isn’t just a blow job, it’s a way to worship your man (and all men want to be worshipped by their women).
- He’s kinkier than you think. He wants more than just vanilla sex. Way more. Probably. This really goes back to male sexual shame. He’s petrified of telling you what he really wants.
Exercise For Lesson 8
Exercise 1: Initiate Sex with Your Man. OK, this should be pretty easy. Tonight (yes, I mean TONIGHT) treat your man like he’s always fantasized about being treated. Wait until he’s sitting on the couch and without saying anything, crawl over to him, unzip his pants and. . .well, you know what to do from there. Don’t say a word. The longer you stay quiet, the hotter it’ll be. No excuses. No BS. It’ll do wonders for your relationship.
Exercise 2: Objectify Your Man. This one is easy to overdo, but next time your man walks by you, just say something like “I love your ass.”
It’ll throw him for a loop.
Up Next: The Final Lesson
We’re through the main Secret Survey lessons. In our next section we’ll tie everything up.
